:: acrylic paint and colored pencil on 1 1/2″ deep wood panel
:: measures 10×10″
:: white painted edges
:: ready to hang with wire on the back
This is painting #36 from my ‘100 Messages To Myself’ painting series.
This is an original painting. There is only one!
Snake. Shedding. At the time I painted this it had been 14 months exactly since Ryan died. 14 months. It’s incredible what’s changed since then, internally and externally. This time in my life is meant to teach me a heck of a lot, I know that. A friend wrote to me recently on Facebook that I seem to just show up no matter what; that I’ve been through unimaginable things and that I continue to just show up, for myself and for others. And I thought about that, and I wondered if it was true, and I think that it is. I think I can own that. I want to get the most out of being here on Earth. I want to get as close as I can to being the person my soul is meant to be in this life, shedding as much of the junk that I don’t need, that’s getting in my way, as I go. I’m shedding beliefs about myself. Beliefs about other people. Beliefs about what I’m capable of. Beliefs about what I deserve. I’m changing my ideas about what I want, what’s the most important, how and who I want to be. Everything is new. It’s a gift. I know I will look back on right now years in the future and marvel at where I stood, who I was. I’m doing it. I’m showing up. I’m here. I’m fucking up and I’m fixing it. I’m taking a couple steps forward and then another one back. I’m learning and growing and shifting and being. What a weird life this is. Weird and beautiful and horrible and precious all wrapped up in one, all happening simultaneously sometimes… usually, actually. Maybe. Heartbreak and falling in love. Pain and gratitude. Beauty and suffering. All at once, right now. All at once. (Here‘s the message I wrote when I painted it.)
My life changed dramatically in August 2018 when my husband suddenly died and then again in January 2019 when my baby girl was born. It’s been a strange 15 months! Creating nearly daily art has been one of the main ways I’ve tuned in to my feelings and to myself as I’ve moved forward. Sharing the art that I’ve been making and the messages I’ve been giving to myself has been a powerfully healing part of my journey, and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to share my images and thoughts with you.